Lesson Learnt From a 'Religious and Respectable' Person

There is this perception nowadays, 'You must never trust a person who's too religious' among some of the people I know. Whether the majority of the world have this perception or not, that I have no idea about. So I decided to share my interesting experience with a so-called religious person because I suppose maybe some of you could relate to this experience of mine. 

One fine day, my friend and I bumped into this person who is a respected lecturer in a shop. We recognized him from a religious talk we attended and he was the speaker. Personally, I thought that he was very knowledgeable and some things he shared about God made so much of sense. Since we recognized him, we stopped and looked at him for a few seconds and then went on with buying groceries. I told my friend, 'Hey look, this was the lecturer who gave that talk the other day and he was really good wasn't he?' She agreed with me and after that, we jumped to another topic and wasn't really concentrating on him anymore. 

We then went to pay at the cashier and he was standing right in front of us. At that moment, all of a sudden, he turned to look at us and started asking us questions like if we were students from the campus he was teaching. We answered him politely and suddenly, he stopped and asked us, 'So do you think it is very funny to see a man who is very religious and pious looking?' At that moment, my friend and I were truly stunned because minutes ago, we were actually talking about him very respectfully and for some reason, he got that aura or perception or call it whatever you want about the both of us. 'No sir, of course it isn't funny and we weren't really laughing at you.' But the conversation went on for a few seconds and he ended his ADVICE with, 'That's alright girls. God is watching and he knows who is right and who is wrong.' Well to tell you the truth, I was extremely pissed off with that man because he had no right to accuse us like that especially when we did have much respect towards him for the way he spoke about religion. On top of it, he used to give us this weird stare whenever he saw us in campus. Even after all those years! 

I may not know much about religion, but I know if you are truly a devotee of God, you would not be bothered about matters like what people think about you because you know in the end, the deal is only between you and God. I also know that it is not at all polite to accuse people of doing something that they didn't. So just like that, my respect for that lecturer flew out of the window. JUST LIKE THAT. 

The reason I am sharing this incident is not to express my dissatisfaction towards the person involved but it is a reminder that perception can be very deceiving. You may perceive something as the truth but it really isn't. Without listening to the other person, you would never come close to the truth. I suppose nowadays it really isn't easy to find an inspiring religious speaker who is also good human beings. If you know any, please let me know as I am always eager to learn more about God. :-) 

Getting Out of Your Comfort Zones!

I came across this line a few days ago: COMFORT ZONES ARE BEAUTIFUL BUT NOTHING EVER GROWS THERE. 

From my experience (Well I am not 60 yet so I would say that my experience in life isn't that vast but I do have some valuable ones which I would always cherish :P), this line is so very true! The thing is, it isn't easy to get out of your comfort zone. I mean that is why it is called a COMFORT zone. So, sometimes you need a very strong will power to go out there and make it happen. 

If you just wait for someone to accompany you or for someone to get you out, you would be missing out on all the magic that is happening OUTSIDE of your comfort zone. So, DON'T WAIT. 

My comfort zone is a place where nobody stares at my scars. Basically, it means my comfort zone only consist of my family and close friends who are accustomed to my scars. I don't have to hide anything from them and I never have to answer the question, 'Whoa what happened to your hands?' So if I choose to just stay in my comfort zone, I probably would never get out of my house. I probably would just give up on my dreams and stay put in that wonderful zone where I could be at peace. But, is that really LIVING? Of course NOT. 

I agree that it can be a very difficult thing to do though. Few years back, I joined a medical camp in Cambodia. It was a very random thing that I did. One fine boring day at my hostel room, I just googled about volunteering for medical camps and found this website. I got myself registered even when I had all these negative thoughts in my head saying that maybe this is too much or maybe I wouldn't fit in or maybe this is a huge mistake. But you know what, it was one of the best decision that I made because during that camp, I met many wonderful people who taught me so much. I learnt to be thankful for whatever I have because I saw how the villagers there lived and it wasn't an easy life as they had limited access to healthcare facilities. I learnt to work in a team and my group mates were very knowledgeable and humble too. But do you think nobody stared or asked me about my scars? Of course 90% of the people I met there asked me about it. Even in their own local language. :P But I was alright with talking about it because the experience I gained surpassed everything else.

When you venture into new places, you learn to adapt and you become a more confident person because you faced a challenge. The need to overcome that fear makes you a stronger person. If you hate going out and talking to people, go out and do it. If you hate presenting a case in front of an entire audience, go ahead and do it. If you hate learning something new because you're afraid of being bad at it, that is fine. Just go ahead and do it anyway because believe me, that experience would be worth it. If the experience is rather embarrassing, that is fine because you would think back and laugh about it down the road. It could even be an interesting story for you to tell your friends or children. I know I have a knack for involving myself in humiliating situations but that's fine by me because I do laugh whenever I think about them and hey, laughter's the best medicine right? LOL.

Remember, you may be just comfortable right now but if you really want to be happy, GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE and who knows, whatever you really desired for may be right outside of that zone you're in right now. 

Health talk. I was terrified. :P 

My very nice MO. Would always be thankful for all his guidance during the camp. =)

We made a great team! 

Just for gags :P

SO TRUE! 

Expecting to Be Spoon Fed?

Expecting to be spoon fed aren't you? This question is very often asked by lecturers to students. I am sure that this applies not only to medical students. When I was still new to medical school, this question used to irk me because I used to think that I am after all new to this whole thing so yes I expect to be given some sort of guidance. But as I venture deeper into the world of medical school, it did hit me that the question was a fair one.

When you're asked that question, it really means that the lecturers would like their students to be more proactive in gaining knowledge, completing assignments and what not? A simple comparison between a proactive student and a student who isn't, who do you think would gain more? I am not saying that you should pretend to be all enthusiastic and proactive in front of lecturers so that you could impress them and get them to grant you high marks during exam. Of course, I have met my share of such people but that is just the world nowadays and that isn't exactly the point of this blog. :P

So, the question is as a medical student, how do you go about being proactive? It isn't that difficult really. Many would disagree but from my personal experience, it is very simple. All it requires is a little more of your precious time, a little more of interest, a bit more of courage and SLIGHTLY a little more EFFORT. BUT, it does require much of your will power. The will to not run off to your comfort zones the moment classes are over. The will to wake up earlier on some weekends to go to hospitals. The will to not procrastinate your preparation for final examination until the very last minute. When I say final examination, I mean your final clinical bedside exams which would consist of long and short cases.

When consultants and specialists ask you the question, 'Are you expecting to be spoon fed?', all they really want is for you to put in some extra effort by yourselves without solely depending on them to teach you all that you need to know to become competent and knowledgeable doctors someday. Do remember that they have more important responsibilities such as SAVING LIVES!

When they ask you this question, they expect you to:

1. Go to the ward. Clerk and examine as many patients as you can. Don't do this only when you're up next as a presenter for your group. Go in a group of 2 or 3 preferably. Then, discuss about what you have learnt from that patient's condition. Take turns clerking and examining patients. If possible, do this with time limit. I started doing this only in final year and I really have regrets for not doing this from the moment I started my clinical years. It will help not only to increase your knowledge about common diseases but also improve your presentation and examination skills. SERIOUSLY, START NOW. YOU WOULD THANK ME DURING YOUR FINAL YEAR. :P

2. Go to clinics and ward rounds. Ok I admit that I have skipped many of these sessions and I am not so proud of it. You may or may not get a good consultant during these sessions but if you do, believe me, you would never forget all the lessons learnt during those sessions. My friends and I had a good number of awesome HOs, MOs, specialists and consultants who were willing to teach us during ward rounds and at clinics. Of course, you wouldn't be lucky all the time. I remember once I did go through hell with this one specialist who was very unhappy about having students in her clinics. Well these do happen sometimes but don't let a few bad teachers ruin your thirst for knowledge. Sometimes, they might even remember you during your final examination and that helps to boost their impression towards you as an exam candidate.

3. When it is your turn to present, PLEASE do it for the sake of learning thoroughly about the patient's condition. Do it so that your group mates would gain as much as you. Don't do it for the sake of getting off the 'list of upcoming presenters'. Do your homework before you present. Don't just present blindly without knowing ANYTHING about your provisional and differential diagnoses. That really pisses off your lecturers/specialists/consultants. They could actually judge you from the way you present. Don't you think they would be more than willing to teach you if you show them that you are interested in learning about the patient?

4. Don't be afraid to go by yourselves and talk to the patients. Without practice, this is never going to be easy. I learnt this the hard way when I had a terrible time clerking a patient for my orthopaedic bedside examination during my FOURTH year. Yes, I was in FOURTH YEAR and I still had problems remembering what questions to ask and how to go on about the physical examination BECAUSE I was so used to having my friends help me out with these things during regular presentation. Yes it is important to have a good group of friends to discuss but it is equally important to be able to clerk and examine a patient by yourself. Always remember, during your final year bedside exams, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN. Don't get me wrong though. I am not saying that if there is a patient with excellent findings in the ward, go by yourself secretly and see the patient. THAT IS A BIG NO NO. Sharing is caring. Keep that in mind!

Hey I wasn't a perfect student and I learnt these things along the way. Most of them are based on personal experiences and mistakes that I have done. So, these aren't exactly rules of thumb. In the end, you know what works the best for you so it is entirely up to you whether or not to apply the above methods.

Alright then. My ranting ends here. :P

This used to motivate me whenever I needed a push :) 

Tough Love during Clinical Years

If you are a medical student, you would be able to relate to this post or find it useful (HOPEFULLY :P).

From where I graduated, clinical years starts off once you enter your third year. During my first and second year as a medical student, I used to hear horror stories from my seniors and friends from other universities regarding some TERRIBLE/HORRIBLE/SCARY/PSYCHOTIC consultants and lecturers that I might be facing during my clinical years and yes, I admit that I was pretty much really nervous before entering my third year. 

From third year until final year, we are expected to go to our respective teaching hospital and see patients. By, 'seeing', I mean clerking and examining patients. We are then supposed to present our cases to consultants/lecturers that are in charge of taking our teaching session for that day. So, this was definitely something more challenging as compared to our previous years because it involves mainly soft skills like being able to build a good rapport with patients and also presenting the cases rather than just reading them. This process then continues on with discussion of the patient's condition. So this whole process could be overwhelming at times especially if it involves really scary lecturers/consultants. 

Now, let me tell you what I have gained from all those so-called TERRIBLE/HORRIBLE/SCARY/PSYCHOTIC consultants/lecturers. I admit that it was sometimes, a nerve-racking ordeal. Looking at them itself was scary enough, imagine presenting to them and then, answering their questions during discussion. Worse still, demonstrating an examination method on a patient in front of them and all your group mates. I still have nightmares about some of those sessions until now. :P 

BUT, the thing is I realize that these teachers are the ones who made me a more confident person and less nervous during my real final bedside examination. Yes, the more you present to them and get scolded, the less you feel anxious when you present to anyone else the next time. Which is good because confidence is really important during your bedside examination. 

Most of them aren't psychotic. REALLY. They are notoriously strict because we are after all going to be future doctors and a single careless mistake could be harmful to a patient's life so can you blame them for being that way? 

Let me tell you about this one consultant who used to give us that IMPENDING FEAR OF DEATH when we waited for her at the ward. I can't reveal no more to protect the consultant's identity and more importantly, my life. LOL. Anyway, I don't remember ever feeling that afraid of ANYONE else in my life because believe me, this consultant could make you pee in your pants only by staring at you. But guess what? After all the classes and training we had with this consultant, we learnt so much about things that we thought we could never master or memorize. We could just look at one patient's investigation chart and point out what was abnormal even WITHOUT referring to the normal values. And this was only after a few clinical teaching sessions with her. She made sure we practiced our examination methods again and again and again until we had it on the tips of our fingers. So you see, it was tough love that made us improve. 

I also had this one consultant who was a real DISCIPLINARIAN. Believe me when I say this lecturer was another one of those who makes you think if you should just call in sick because you don't want to face him no more. But this consultant made me realize the importance of having the correct attitude as a medical student and later on, as a doctor. His scolding and nagging really drilled through my thick skull and went right into my brain because I could never forget those things that he used to say during our classes. He was a real perfectionist when it comes to anything that involves patients and again, I think this is really important for us as future doctors. The irony is, I have met him a few times outside of hospital setting, and he was one of the NICEST person I have ever met. So you see, he wasn't that terrible after all, was he? Just the exact opposite he was.

Finally, I would like to talk about this one surgeon whom many of my friends really disliked but personally, I really thought that he was amazing. Let me tell you why he was disliked by many of my group mates. During ward rounds, he expects the students to present. Not the housemen doctors. Not the medical officer. Not the junior specialist. BUT THE STUDENTS. In front of the entire team and the patient. Not only that, but he expects us to be perfect in our presentation. So you can imagine now how we would have felt. SCARED TO DEATH. Yes, I admit that sometimes I pray he wouldn't turn up during ward rounds. But, I thought to myself, this would be another learning experience and he must have something to teach me as he was a surgeon after all. So a couple of my friends and I decided to put in more effort and learn how to present better. And most importantly, to stop being so negative about that surgeon. So what happened next? He turned out to be a real good teacher once he noticed that we were willing to put in effort and improve ourselves. We used to follow him a few times for ward rounds even when we were not required to do so and he taught us so much. I also noticed that after presenting to him, I really did not feel afraid to present again to anyone else because I had good practice presenting to that surgeon and getting scolded in front of an entire team of HOs, MOs, specialists, nurses and patients. LOL. So you see, tough love again prevails! :P 

So what I am trying to say here is that sometimes the scariest experience could really change you for the better. The most intimidating teacher could impact your life in ways that would be beneficial to you. The thought of facing these tough lecturers/consultants could even motivate you to work harder to become responsible doctors. Don't pray that you don't ever have to face them in your classes. Instead, try to grab as much opportunity you could to learn from them. Don't be afraid to learn from them but aspire to gain as much as you could from their experience. I know I did!

Professor Snape is an example that could relate to what I have written above. (Well, what did you expect from a die hard Harry Potter fan? :P) 

Remember, YOU made it this far!

This post is about reminding myself that I made it this far when many people out there told me that I should let go. It is to remind you about how far you have came when you thought you couldn't. It is for us all to remember that sometimes life may seem so tough that you feel like giving up but you always get up after every fall because we are strong! 

I wouldn't say that I have had an easy life though many people might disagree. Yes, I have very supportive family members and that made my life much better. I have parents who never made me feel that I was lesser than anyone around the world. I do wonder at times if I truly deserve such a wonderful family. So why would I say life was tough? I mean who wouldn't say that life isn't easy? Except for motivational speakers who would say that life could be easy if you THINK that it is. That is true in someways though. 

At school I would say that I was a bright student because I was a fast learner and I loved studying, being a NERD and all (Yes I am very proud of the fact that I still am :P). I loved my teachers and I would like to think that they liked me too. So after completing SPM, I started with my A-levels and I thought that I would do great in it but I found it difficult. I couldn't grasp many things that were being taught by the lecturers and for some reason, I was also disinterested. So, as expected I did very badly in exams and I had to retake many papers during the next semester. I was told that it was going to be tough to pass because it isn't going to be easy to revise for all those previous papers together with the current ones. I had doubts on whether or not I would make it but I worked hard and made it. Well I do have regrets about not obtaining better grades but in the end, do grades even matter after all these years? 

Then I left to Russia to venture ahead in my journey to become a doctor and again, I heard so many negative remarks about how bad a place that is. 1) It used to be a communist country so they HATE foreigners. 2) During winter, you would not be able to survive the cold there because you definitely WOULD FREEZE TO DEATH. 3) You have always been so attached to your family so are you sure you would be able to cope with it? Moscow is so far away! 4) You are a vegetarian so are you sure you would be able to get enough nutrients over there? You can't even cook. I am not going to lie by saying that these remarks did not intimidate me at all. I was afraid really but I kept in my mind that experience is the best teacher in life. So, I thought to myself, "No matter what, I would learn as much as I could from this journey!" And after all that has happened there, I don't regret anything because whatever I have gone through during that part of my life, it made me a stronger person. If I had not gone to Russia, I wouldn't have known that I had the strength in me to endure all those obstacles that I had to face when I was there. 

And if you have read my previous blog, you would know that I was involved in a fire incident there and for a year I was on medical leave. At that time, I had countless doubts regarding what I was going to do with my life. 1) Should I continue my medical studies? 2) Should I just go back to Moscow? 3) Should I start over and just venture into something else? 4) Would I be able to live normally with these scars? 5) Am I ever going to get over the fact that I am never going to be as beautiful as those girls without any scars? 6) How on earth am I going to make it up to my family for making them worried sick when I was still hospitalized? Honestly, I had thousands of insecurities about myself and about my life at that time. That incident was really a life changing one for my family and I. In spite of all that happened, we still got through those hard times. We supported each other and again, my life was back on track. 

After that, life was never the same again. Throughout medical school, I know that people noticed me because of my scars and that wasn't easy. But I also knew that I had great lecturers and friends who appreciated me and I was more than thankful to have all of them. I learnt so much and gained so many new experiences which made me a wiser person (I HOPE! :P) and despite of all that has happened, I made it! With much help of course. GOD; FAMILY; FRIENDS; LECTURERS; PATIENTS and many random strangers who showed simple acts of kindness towards me whenever I needed it. 

So, my point is no matter what people say or whatever negativity that is shoved towards your way, remember that YOU CAN DO IT. Don't let obstacles run you down because you have come this far after all. You came this far not to just give it up but to go on until you have reached your destiny. I have always believed that the journey is more important than the goal. The journey matters because you learn so much along the way and it makes you realize how beautiful life could be if you allow yourself to appreciate it. Most importantly, learn from people's experience but never believe them completely until you yourself go through it because what people perceive may often differ from your own perception. 

So, my ranting ends here. Do ignore grammatical errors if at all possible! :P 

~ A hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles! ~ Christopher Reeve 

That's me looking like a Frankenstein monster after I was barbecued :P 

This is me 6 years later, finally a medical graduate. Phew! 

                                                

The Perfectly Imperfect Me

It isn't easy having scars in this world. SERIOUSLY. No kidding. But it really depends on how you take it as an individual. My family members are always there to remind me that people are often just curious rather than judgmental but I am not entirely sure how true is that. Perhaps they are just trying to make me feel better.

I find it very difficult to go out and answer the same questions over and over and over and over, alright I should stop but you get the point right? I respect teachers who have the patience to answer the same questions they get from their students year after year.

Sometimes the questions and remarks I get are really silly. Or maybe I just find them funny because never in my life I would have thought that I would be in such a situation. I used to look normal you know. My sisters and I have this weird coping mechanism to deal with all these questions. We just burst out laughing whenever someone asks me, "Oh hey, what happened to your hands?". Don't ask me why. Certainly don't ask them why because they have no idea too. But we laugh and often get scolded by people because, "This is no laughing matter young ladies!". LOL.

So here is a list of remarks and questions I get whenever I go out. No exaggeration here. HONESTLY. Well maybe I did modify the way it was said because you know how we Malaysians really speak. These are just a few examples. It'll take ages to list down every questions that I have been asked before.

1. The most popular one - Oh dear Lord, you have such a pretty face, you don't deserve this at all. (ERR excuse me are you saying that only if you're pretty, you don't deserve to get into a fire accident and get third degree burn scars? Otherwise it is alright? *Roll eyes*)

2. What happened to you? Where? How? Were you a student there? Which year were you in? Was it in your room or bathroom or living room? (I don't see the relevance here? Since I have already answered the, 'how') Wait, Moscow you said? Which season was it over there at that time? (Again, why is this relevant, summer causes more fire and winter's too cold for any fire to occur? Really? :P)

3. You're a girl. It is going to be tough for you. (Ok I am not really a super feminist material type but God this remark usually really ANNOYS me. VERY MUCH. Excuse me, I am a girl and I don't think this is going to be tough because I really don't care if boys don't find me attractive because I am no longer a teenager. Yes I went through that phase A LONG TIME AGO).

4. Have you tried aloe vera? Have you tried, 'minyak biawak'? Have you tried skin grafting? Have you tried plastic surgery? Have you tried ayurvedic treatment? Have you tried Chinese medicines? Have you tried silicone gels? Have you tried laser? Have you tried getting treatment in Singapore? UK? Korea? India? (Well you see, my family and I did try many things. We didn't just sit around waiting for miracles to happen.)

5. You're lucky in a way because the person you are going to get married to will love you for who you are on the inside and not just for what is on the outside. (I still can't decide if I am irked by this statement or if I'm neutral towards it or if it is actually SWEET but it doesn't matter because I THINK the person in love with me right now feels that I am gorgeous. No this is not considered as blowing my own trumpet. :P)

6. Non verbal communication by means of STARING WITH HUGE EYES and sometimes pointing with index fingers. Yes I get stared at a lot. Initially after the accident, I used to think that there was something behind me, an alien maybe and that is why people are staring but now I know it is just ME. Apparently humans are very curious creatures. NOT JUDGMENTAL. According to my friends and family. I just pretend to believe them. Although now if they read this blog, they're going to know that I am pretending. OOPS.

7. This is my all time favourite and it happened ONLY ONCE. But this unique question makes me laugh even until now. I went to this clinic a few years back and was sitting in the waiting room. This very hyperactive boy, about 7 or 8 years old came up to me and very LOUDLY asked while pointing at my arms, 'EH YOU SPIDER-MAN AHHH?' His voice and tone actually made every single person in that waiting room to turn towards my direction and again STARE at my beautiful scars. I looked at him incredulously until his parents apologized and brought him away though really I was refraining myself from bursting into laughter. THAT BOY MADE MY DAY. No made my day EVERY SINGLE DAY since then. :P (In case you're wondering, I am so not SPIDER-MAN )

So yes, it is not easy to look even a little different nowadays. Please note that I usually answer all of those questions with very polite answers and a huge smile. So the ones in the brackets is just me talking to myself in my mind at that time. That is not weird. AT ALL.

I know I am not alone though. I know that there are so many people out there who have worse physical imperfections and they are fine with it because they know that God and their loved ones see them as BEAUTIFUL human beings. They know that they are PERFECT just the way they are.

~ Wear Your Scars With Pride! ~

That is me so-called wearing my scars with pride :P 

Something Really Random for My Parents

Yes I have much time to kill right now so I decided to write a blog about my parents. Ignore the grammatical errors because I don't feel like caring about them anyway.

My mother and father are the people that I look up to. They are my role models/inspiration/idols/superstars, well you get the idea. They both came from a very humble background. They worked hard and overcame many obstacles to reach where they are now. They did not have the privilege to study in an air-conditioned room during the school days or even when they were receiving their tertiary education. Yet, they made it through school and finally graduated from university. Every time I feel bummed about studying, I would think of what they had to go through to get a degree and I would realize how lucky I am to have a nice room, delicious food, good moral support from my family and so many other things that they never had during their time. 

They also taught me to respect my mentors because teachers are the ones that shape us into who we are. I know that they are amazing teachers. I love mathematics because of mother. She makes solving numbers so easy! My dad is superb in our national language, Bahasa Malaysia. I love teaching too because of them. 

Many times, I have hurt both of them and yet, they have never given up on me or intentionally hurt me back. On a number of occasions, I have snapped at them but never have they stopped talking to me. I know for a fact that I was never an easy child to handle but, that never stopped them from loving me and I am so eternally grateful to them for that kind of love. They have always been there for me, throughout good times and difficult times. 

My parents are my guardian angels. If I am ever to be a parent someday, I hope I would be just as amazing as they are. Thank you mom and dad for everything! :-) 

~ Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget that our parents are growing old. ~ Anonymous