What Do You Do When You Run Out Of Positive Vibes?

There are times when I wish life was much simpler. There are times when I wish I could go out without having to deal with stares and questions from curious passersby. There are times I wish God could have spared at least my face and only gave me scarred hands so that I could be thankful for a flawless face at least. There are times I wished I wasn't the one who was in the room that day the fire happened. There are times I feel so pathetically sorry for myself especially whenever I scratch my dried scars until they bleed. There are times I feel so angry that whatever happened chose to happen to me. BUT the question is never 'WHY ME?' isn't it? It should be 'WHY NOT ME?' These are the times I run out of my usual positive vibes and I end up shedding tears so unnecessarily.

But are those tears really unnecessary? Sometimes it is alright to feel sorry for yourself. Sometimes it is alright to cry. Sometimes, nobody feels it until they are in your shoes. Sometimes, it is alright to mourn. Sometimes, it is fine to feel that you are the only one against the whole world. Everyone feels this way at some point of their lives.

Just don't let it consume you. That is the key. Don't ever live your life everyday feeling sorry for yourself because it isn't worth it. Yes it is usual to feel that way when something bad happens to you but when you do it everyday it becomes the worst habit that you could ever have. Whenever I start feeling this way, sometimes I do cry but most of the time, I start listing down at least ten things that I am thankful for in my life and in someway, it does help me to feel much better about life.

A few days back, I finished reading a beautiful book titled 'Tuesdays With Morrie' and it was one of the most amazing book that I have ever read and the most inspiring thing about it, was the fact that it was inspired by a true story of a professor who had ALS and his student (the author, Mitch Albom) who used to visit him every Tuesday to talk about the meaning of life. At one point, Mitch would ask Morrie, the professor if he ever felt sorry for himself and all that things that he could not do because of his condition and Professor Morrie would answer, “Sometimes, in the mornings,” he said. “That’s when I mourn. I feel around my body, I move my fingers and my hands—whatever I can still move—and I mourn what I’ve lost. I mourn the slow, insidious way in which I’m dying. But then I stop mourning. I give myself a good cry if I need it. But then I concentrate on all the good things still in my life. On the people who are coming to see me. On the stories I’m going to hear. On you—if it’s Tuesday. Because we’re Tuesday people. I don’t allow myself any more self-pity than that. A little each morning, a few tears, and that’s all." AMAZING I KNOW! So glad that a friend recommended this book to me.

So it is alright to feel really negative at times but don't give it more than a few minutes and don't let it become a habit because life is beautiful if you know how to see an opportunity in every tragedy that has happened to you. I have so much to learn too and I welcome you to learn with me!

You get to choose. Damn right you do! 

Experience Is A Funny And Great Teacher!

Have you ever had a really humiliating experience that embarrassed you like nothing ever did at that time but whenever you think of it now, you can't help but laugh it out. That is why life is beautiful isn't it? It always gives you an opportunity to laugh. To laugh at others (I don't think this is good but yes I too do it at times :P), to laugh in a movie or to laugh at  yourself for the mistakes that you may have done in the past.

When I was a fourth year medical student or maybe third year, during surgical rotation in our teaching hospital, we were told many scary stories about one surgeon who was also the head of department of surgery. One of which was scolding and sending students who had their hair dyed out from the ward. Meaning as long as your hair isn't black or dark brown, you would not be allowed into any surgical ward of that hospital and if you are spotted by this surgeon, you are in simple word, SCREWED. So that is why I had golden highlights when I was in my second year and after a year of experimenting with that colour, I went back to black. I am definitely not the 'breaking the rules is the new cool nowadays' type.

Unfortunately, some of my friends were not really afraid of this so-called rumour and went on with the usual styling and all. So one fine day, a fellow classmate of mine and I were walking along the corridor of the surgical ward on our way to see patients and from the opposite, it was THE SURGEON and his whole team of specialists, MOs, HOs and nurses coming towards our way. I have no idea why I freaked out because I didn't really do anything wrong but I guess I knew what was coming since my friend had light brown hair. Not dark. But LIGHT. So before he could actually see us, we exited the ward and went to a ladies room just next to the ward and figured we would just wait there until he's gone.

Now comes one of the most humiliating moment of my life. A few seconds later, a female doctor entered the ladies room and saw us both standing there like idiots and told us that the HOD was waiting outside TO SEE US. How on earth he knew we were both in there, I really have no idea after all these years. So we went out and thankfully he told his entire team to continue with the ward round and that he'll catch up with them.  I really still had no idea why I hid in the washroom even when I did not do anything wrong. Yes that is so me. Been doing it since I was in kindergarten. :P

So we went out and saw him staring at us and God I was terrified. He asked us if we were medical students and the next question, 'WHY DID YOU GIRLS LOOK AT ME, TURN AROUND AND EXITED THE WARD?' Apparently he witnessed the whole thing when both of us were sure he did not see us. I don't even remember what exactly I answered but I must have blabbered something really insensible and silly. But, as expected he looked at my classmate, saw her hair and told her to leave the ward immediately. He did not even allow her to enter the ward to take her belongings before leaving so she had to wait in the hospital lobby until our class was over. Surprisingly, he looked at me and asked me very politely about my hands, showed his empathy and then left to continue the ward rounds.

The moment he left, I sighed with relief and thought to myself that running away is NEVER THE SOLUTION. A simple but profound rule that I promise to adhere everyday in my life ever since.

Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom. That explains it. :P 

S-I-S-T-E-R

My sister's birthday is a month away and I thought that since I am so financially broke right now, I will blog about her and in return, she would be grateful enough and won't expect any gifts from me because she's a smart one.

Everyday I wake up feeling thankful for my wonderful family. They are the pillars of my strength and will always be throughout my life. Describing every member of my family would take me a very long time because they're all so unique and special in their own ways so I thought that I would start with my sister.

You see, there was a period of time she was in a boarding school. A couple of months. She was thirteen then. She was a good student and so was accepted into a local boarding school and my parents were really proud of her. But after a few months, she came back and refused to ever go back to that place. I never felt less proud of her because I know she had her reasons and hey, until I am in her shoes, who am I to judge right? But apparently after all these years (13 years later), people who may or may not consist of relatives and friends STILL love talking about this fact and the thing is she's really great at ignoring them completely. That's the thing I admire about her. She never gives a damn about what people say or think about her. LIKE GENUINELY she does not give a rat's ass about what people say about her.

She shouldn't I suppose. Considering the fact that she's only a twenty-six years old engineer currently going to complete her post-graduate course while working and contributing to our family financially. She owns a car and has already started a few investment plans which would secure a prosperous future for her. I could go on listing her achievements but I don't want her to get too puffed up if she ever reads this post and rub it in my face later while we fight which happens quite often. :P

She's a real feminist. She works in an environment where she would be the only one female among her male colleagues and she never lets it bother her in any way. She has her own principles of being a lady and I respect that. She doesn't use any sort of makeup products or do her hair to impress anyone. She doesn't dress for an event to fit in but she wears it to be comfortable.

She's an amazing driver. A hardcore one I would say. Complimented by some and feared by some other for her formula one driving skills. LOL.

Although she's all tough with the strangers she meet, she is one of the most loyal friend you could have and also the best sister anyone could ask for. She's caring and she never fails to show that to all of us at home. Although she and I have our differences in many aspects, I know that I am blessed to have this one tough women as my sister. She's a real soldier and I have no doubt that she would go very far in life.

SERIOUSLY :P

                                 

Look for Inspiration. ALWAYS!

Most of the time, I am a very optimistic person. MOST OF THE TIME. Meaning there are times when I do feel negativity creeping into my soul and those are the days when I feel demotivated and helpless. This is normal I suppose. Everyone has bad days and good days after all.

When I feel down, I always tend to look for inspiration to help me up. I believe that inspiration can be found ANYWHERE. It can be from your own memories of the things you have achieved so far or the people who you look up to in your lives. Or you can think about great leaders who inspire you. Recently, I read the autobiography of Mr Mandela, 'Long Walk To Freedom' and I felt so much of awe while reading it because I used to think I have troubles but compared to what he went through, mine was almost non-existent. So you can definitely find inspiration in good books too. 

As medical students, we are required to attend ward rounds and in certain departments, we'll have to present cases. In other departments, the consultant or specialist might engage with the students by asking questions pertaining to a case and most of the time, we will get scolded because there is always one question that we wouldn't know the answer to. During these times, it is exceptionally difficult to go for ward rounds and I will have this tiny voice inside my head saying, 'Hey it is just for one day and you aren't going to miss much. So let's just skip this one.' Believe me, that voice is a powerful one and a few times it did succeed in tempting me to skip classes to my UTMOST REGRET. But I have this method of ignoring that voice. Which is again, LOOKING FOR INSPIRATION. My inspiration has always been the very dedicated and diligent doctors who worked at the teaching hospital I used to go. There's one specialist who used to start his ward rounds at 6.30 a.m and it'll go on for about 3 hours because he pays that much attention to each and every patient while at the same time, conducting Q&A sessions with us students. I used to have a very huge crush on him. Still do. I used to think that if he could do it, I should be able to do it too. It helped me not only for that posting but throughout the year, I was able to go early to wards even when it wasn't compulsory just so that I could learn more from patients and doctors. 

Another method that I usually apply to inspire myself is to think about the aftermath of achieving something great from doing hard work. The simple logic: Hard work = Progress = Achievement = Happiness. So think about the progress you are going to make by putting in effort and how happy you are going to be after achieving your goals. That would definitely be a great push for you to work harder and go further in life. 

In the movie, 'INVICTUS' (A movie that every single one of you SHOULD WATCH regardless of whether or not you need some inspiration.), Morgan Freeman who played the character of Mr Mandela himself recites a beautiful and meaningful poem. This poem was Mr Mandela's source of inspiration when he was incarcerated at Robben Island prison for 27 years. Though just a poem on a piece of paper, it kept him going and when he was released, he came out STRONGER and became South Africa's first black president in 1994. 

So you see, you can find inspiration anywhere. You just have to really look for it! 

I AM THE MASTER OF MY FATE. I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY SOUL.