Tough Love during Clinical Years

If you are a medical student, you would be able to relate to this post or find it useful (HOPEFULLY :P).

From where I graduated, clinical years starts off once you enter your third year. During my first and second year as a medical student, I used to hear horror stories from my seniors and friends from other universities regarding some TERRIBLE/HORRIBLE/SCARY/PSYCHOTIC consultants and lecturers that I might be facing during my clinical years and yes, I admit that I was pretty much really nervous before entering my third year. 

From third year until final year, we are expected to go to our respective teaching hospital and see patients. By, 'seeing', I mean clerking and examining patients. We are then supposed to present our cases to consultants/lecturers that are in charge of taking our teaching session for that day. So, this was definitely something more challenging as compared to our previous years because it involves mainly soft skills like being able to build a good rapport with patients and also presenting the cases rather than just reading them. This process then continues on with discussion of the patient's condition. So this whole process could be overwhelming at times especially if it involves really scary lecturers/consultants. 

Now, let me tell you what I have gained from all those so-called TERRIBLE/HORRIBLE/SCARY/PSYCHOTIC consultants/lecturers. I admit that it was sometimes, a nerve-racking ordeal. Looking at them itself was scary enough, imagine presenting to them and then, answering their questions during discussion. Worse still, demonstrating an examination method on a patient in front of them and all your group mates. I still have nightmares about some of those sessions until now. :P 

BUT, the thing is I realize that these teachers are the ones who made me a more confident person and less nervous during my real final bedside examination. Yes, the more you present to them and get scolded, the less you feel anxious when you present to anyone else the next time. Which is good because confidence is really important during your bedside examination. 

Most of them aren't psychotic. REALLY. They are notoriously strict because we are after all going to be future doctors and a single careless mistake could be harmful to a patient's life so can you blame them for being that way? 

Let me tell you about this one consultant who used to give us that IMPENDING FEAR OF DEATH when we waited for her at the ward. I can't reveal no more to protect the consultant's identity and more importantly, my life. LOL. Anyway, I don't remember ever feeling that afraid of ANYONE else in my life because believe me, this consultant could make you pee in your pants only by staring at you. But guess what? After all the classes and training we had with this consultant, we learnt so much about things that we thought we could never master or memorize. We could just look at one patient's investigation chart and point out what was abnormal even WITHOUT referring to the normal values. And this was only after a few clinical teaching sessions with her. She made sure we practiced our examination methods again and again and again until we had it on the tips of our fingers. So you see, it was tough love that made us improve. 

I also had this one consultant who was a real DISCIPLINARIAN. Believe me when I say this lecturer was another one of those who makes you think if you should just call in sick because you don't want to face him no more. But this consultant made me realize the importance of having the correct attitude as a medical student and later on, as a doctor. His scolding and nagging really drilled through my thick skull and went right into my brain because I could never forget those things that he used to say during our classes. He was a real perfectionist when it comes to anything that involves patients and again, I think this is really important for us as future doctors. The irony is, I have met him a few times outside of hospital setting, and he was one of the NICEST person I have ever met. So you see, he wasn't that terrible after all, was he? Just the exact opposite he was.

Finally, I would like to talk about this one surgeon whom many of my friends really disliked but personally, I really thought that he was amazing. Let me tell you why he was disliked by many of my group mates. During ward rounds, he expects the students to present. Not the housemen doctors. Not the medical officer. Not the junior specialist. BUT THE STUDENTS. In front of the entire team and the patient. Not only that, but he expects us to be perfect in our presentation. So you can imagine now how we would have felt. SCARED TO DEATH. Yes, I admit that sometimes I pray he wouldn't turn up during ward rounds. But, I thought to myself, this would be another learning experience and he must have something to teach me as he was a surgeon after all. So a couple of my friends and I decided to put in more effort and learn how to present better. And most importantly, to stop being so negative about that surgeon. So what happened next? He turned out to be a real good teacher once he noticed that we were willing to put in effort and improve ourselves. We used to follow him a few times for ward rounds even when we were not required to do so and he taught us so much. I also noticed that after presenting to him, I really did not feel afraid to present again to anyone else because I had good practice presenting to that surgeon and getting scolded in front of an entire team of HOs, MOs, specialists, nurses and patients. LOL. So you see, tough love again prevails! :P 

So what I am trying to say here is that sometimes the scariest experience could really change you for the better. The most intimidating teacher could impact your life in ways that would be beneficial to you. The thought of facing these tough lecturers/consultants could even motivate you to work harder to become responsible doctors. Don't pray that you don't ever have to face them in your classes. Instead, try to grab as much opportunity you could to learn from them. Don't be afraid to learn from them but aspire to gain as much as you could from their experience. I know I did!

Professor Snape is an example that could relate to what I have written above. (Well, what did you expect from a die hard Harry Potter fan? :P) 

Remember, YOU made it this far!

This post is about reminding myself that I made it this far when many people out there told me that I should let go. It is to remind you about how far you have came when you thought you couldn't. It is for us all to remember that sometimes life may seem so tough that you feel like giving up but you always get up after every fall because we are strong! 

I wouldn't say that I have had an easy life though many people might disagree. Yes, I have very supportive family members and that made my life much better. I have parents who never made me feel that I was lesser than anyone around the world. I do wonder at times if I truly deserve such a wonderful family. So why would I say life was tough? I mean who wouldn't say that life isn't easy? Except for motivational speakers who would say that life could be easy if you THINK that it is. That is true in someways though. 

At school I would say that I was a bright student because I was a fast learner and I loved studying, being a NERD and all (Yes I am very proud of the fact that I still am :P). I loved my teachers and I would like to think that they liked me too. So after completing SPM, I started with my A-levels and I thought that I would do great in it but I found it difficult. I couldn't grasp many things that were being taught by the lecturers and for some reason, I was also disinterested. So, as expected I did very badly in exams and I had to retake many papers during the next semester. I was told that it was going to be tough to pass because it isn't going to be easy to revise for all those previous papers together with the current ones. I had doubts on whether or not I would make it but I worked hard and made it. Well I do have regrets about not obtaining better grades but in the end, do grades even matter after all these years? 

Then I left to Russia to venture ahead in my journey to become a doctor and again, I heard so many negative remarks about how bad a place that is. 1) It used to be a communist country so they HATE foreigners. 2) During winter, you would not be able to survive the cold there because you definitely WOULD FREEZE TO DEATH. 3) You have always been so attached to your family so are you sure you would be able to cope with it? Moscow is so far away! 4) You are a vegetarian so are you sure you would be able to get enough nutrients over there? You can't even cook. I am not going to lie by saying that these remarks did not intimidate me at all. I was afraid really but I kept in my mind that experience is the best teacher in life. So, I thought to myself, "No matter what, I would learn as much as I could from this journey!" And after all that has happened there, I don't regret anything because whatever I have gone through during that part of my life, it made me a stronger person. If I had not gone to Russia, I wouldn't have known that I had the strength in me to endure all those obstacles that I had to face when I was there. 

And if you have read my previous blog, you would know that I was involved in a fire incident there and for a year I was on medical leave. At that time, I had countless doubts regarding what I was going to do with my life. 1) Should I continue my medical studies? 2) Should I just go back to Moscow? 3) Should I start over and just venture into something else? 4) Would I be able to live normally with these scars? 5) Am I ever going to get over the fact that I am never going to be as beautiful as those girls without any scars? 6) How on earth am I going to make it up to my family for making them worried sick when I was still hospitalized? Honestly, I had thousands of insecurities about myself and about my life at that time. That incident was really a life changing one for my family and I. In spite of all that happened, we still got through those hard times. We supported each other and again, my life was back on track. 

After that, life was never the same again. Throughout medical school, I know that people noticed me because of my scars and that wasn't easy. But I also knew that I had great lecturers and friends who appreciated me and I was more than thankful to have all of them. I learnt so much and gained so many new experiences which made me a wiser person (I HOPE! :P) and despite of all that has happened, I made it! With much help of course. GOD; FAMILY; FRIENDS; LECTURERS; PATIENTS and many random strangers who showed simple acts of kindness towards me whenever I needed it. 

So, my point is no matter what people say or whatever negativity that is shoved towards your way, remember that YOU CAN DO IT. Don't let obstacles run you down because you have come this far after all. You came this far not to just give it up but to go on until you have reached your destiny. I have always believed that the journey is more important than the goal. The journey matters because you learn so much along the way and it makes you realize how beautiful life could be if you allow yourself to appreciate it. Most importantly, learn from people's experience but never believe them completely until you yourself go through it because what people perceive may often differ from your own perception. 

So, my ranting ends here. Do ignore grammatical errors if at all possible! :P 

~ A hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles! ~ Christopher Reeve 

That's me looking like a Frankenstein monster after I was barbecued :P 

This is me 6 years later, finally a medical graduate. Phew!